Cracked.com Presents 5 different kinds of fire that you didn't know as much about as you thought

Everyone knows a lot of things about fire. Learning to be alive is learning about many dangers, and powers, of the things in the world. One of the most major of these since the ancient days of our ancestors is fire, the product of heat eating things that exist till they are nothing. We all know that fire is very strong, and can hurt us, but is also a tool. But how much do we really know about fire? Fire comes in distinct forms. These forms have been placed into a list for easy reading and comprehension on the toilet, bus, or other undesirable place where you wish to distance yourself from your body and world. Educate yourself about the kinds of fire.

1. Orange Fire
Orange fire is the main kind of fire. Most fires are orange. Have you ever seen a fire burning in a fireplace, or on a log? Chances are this was an orange fire. The orangeness represents heat, and burning. The flames of an orange fire are only regular heat, but beware! They are regular... for a fire. Touching an orange fire will still injure you! Caution is advised. If you see an unmanaged orange fire, alert the authorities or use a fire removal device such as dirt or a fire extinguisher to put out the fire. Actor Hotness to Fire Hotness Rating: George from Seinfeld.

1a. Red Fire
Red fire is a subset of orange fire. Red fire is less hot than orange fire but is more fierce and bold.

2. Blue Fire
Ah, blue fire. The fire of gas burning. The energy and power of gas, one million years of spirit, is released in this awesome blue flame. The blue flame burns hotter than any orange fire, and must be treated with the utmost respect and dignity, like a young boy on the day of his father's funeral. Beware the coolness indicated by blue, usually a color of ice. Blue fire became so hot that it transcends coldness to become the ultimate in heat. Actor Hotness to Fire Hotness Rating: The brunette girl from the blurred lines video.

3. White Fire
Imagine, if you will, a level beyond blue fire. What blue fire is to orange fire, white fire is to blue fire. If blueness represents ice, whiteness represents nothingness, a transcendental clarity and almost divine power. White fire barely exists in this world, and is not bound by the rules that govern the things of this world. White fire can burn anything which exists, like a light saber, or a gay blogger. To dance with white fire is to dance with death - avoid at all costs. White fire is always fleeting, too pure and strong to exist in a fallen world. Actor Hotness to Fire Hotness Rating: Bernie Mac

4. Black Fire
Black fire is not natural and is ALWAYS the product of wizards. If you see black fire remain very still and try and locate the wizard. The wizard may be spying on you using a small animal, insect, or cloud. Remind yourself of the works of Christ. Under no circumstances should you use the black fire as s tool, touch the black fire, or attempt to bargain or deal with the black fire. Actor Hotness to Fire Hotness Rating: Liv Tyler in Fellowship of the Ring when she's in negative or whatever yelling at Frodo.

5. Green Fire
Green fire is always the product of magicians. That is to say, fake showmanship wizard wannabees. If you see green fire scoff loudly and let the magician know that you know the fire isn't even real. Feel free to touch green fire, it isn't even hot at all. Don't try and cook things or prevent exposure death with green fire because it isn't even functional as fire. This stuff is a joke. Actor Hotness to Fire Hotness Rating: Michael Cera.

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