Mitchell High Football Game to Honor Military

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Mitchell High Football Game to Honor Military

It’s Military Appreciation Night Thursday at Mitchell High School’s home football game against Cheyenne Mountain High at Garry Berry Stadium, 2115 Afton Way.

"We figured, what's the best way to honor a barbaric, overfunded institution than with a game of high school football?" asked school principal Todd Davis.

The game starts at 7 p.m.

Anyone in uniform will be admitted to the game for free. If not in uniform, attendees can show military ID to receive free admission. The first 1,000 people in attendance will receive a mini American flag. The second 1,000 will be allowed to leave the stadium at the end of the game.

The Mitchell High School JROTC will present the colors, and the Air Force Academy Wings of Blue will parachute into the stadium with the game ball, as well as various other undeclared items which will be used in the commission of gridiron-related atrocities and later become unaccountable for despite a thorough investigation by school officials.

"Are you ready for some football!?" shouted senior Kayleigh Winthrop, quoting the famous line by Hank Williams Jr., an alcoholic and drug addict who has likened the current Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces to Adolf Hitler and referred to him as "the enemy" and "a Muslim president who hates farming, hates the military, hates the U.S."

Mitchell High School, founded in 1965, was named for General William Mitchell, an early air power advocate who was courts-martialed in 1925 on the order of President Calvin Coolidge and found guilty of violating the 96th article of war.

In order to honor the military, special rules will allow players on the field to make use of so-called "Oorah-approved" moves which would normally be illegal, including:

  • The Drop Weapon: Players can sack anyone at any time, including cheerleaders, if they place a spare football or football-shaped balloon near the unconscious body.
  • The Pat Tillman: Players can become the new MVP or quarterback if they fatally tackle the current MVP or quarterback.
  • The Just Following Orders: Coaches on both teams can "unofficially" order players to commit fouls which the referee will have to investigate by asking the team's other players whether or not a foul had taken place.



Pictured: The pleasingly multi-ethnic Mitchell High School Air Force ROTC in front of a tessellation representing the incongruity of their developing humanity and the organization to which they belong

"I do note the parallels between the worship of the military and the worship of football," continued principal Davis, pulling a flask out of his coat and taking a long pull.

"Really, there's not a lot for our people to do otherwise in either case. We were worried with the advent of the internet that people might find something genuine to care about, but thankfully here we are. Go Marauders!"

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Discussion of Mitchell High Football Game to Honor Military on tHE r H i z z o n E:

#1
YUNG JIRO AKA SHOWA STUNNA AKA
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Rest In Peace to Pat Tillman's Glorious Jawline
#2
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it was kind of weird being in ROTC. which I was.
#3
[account deactivated]
#4
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tpaine posted:

stegosaurus posted:

it was kind of weird being in ROTC. which I was.

thank you

#5
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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frontpage
#6
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Front page
#7
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#8
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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catman!!!
#9
mt.real
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i just read it!! i am doing it!!
#10
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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how fat is gjoey irl. have you met him. did he wheeze on the phone
#11
mt.real
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he communicated only through cryptic emails with LOts of messed up CAps. he watches over us even now
#12
mt.real
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i assume he floats up there, using the same sort of body suspensor technology that baron harkonnen had in lynch's dune
#13
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#14
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tpaine posted:

stegosaurus posted:

it was kind of weird being in ROTC. which I was.


#15
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george jackson on amerikan fascism posted:

The trappings of this pseudo mass society are empty, cheap, spectacular leisure sports; parades where strangers meet, shout each other down and often trample each other to death on the way home; mass consumption of worthless super-suds or aspirin; ritualistic, ultra-nationalistic events on days to glorify the idiots who died at war or other days to deify those who sent them out to die, A mass society that is actually a mass jungle.

#16
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what a sick sick country

#17
mt.real
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it doesn't matter how many times i'm faced with the fact that american high schools have enormous super expensive football stadiums, it still doesn't seem real to me
#18
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#19
ive gender
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lmao
#20
Online
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sporpsballer refuses to troopsuck

Joakim Noah skips military dinner, cites 'mixed feelings' and anti-war stance
2:35 PM ET
Ian Begley
ESPN Staff Writer

WEST POINT, N.Y. -- New York Knicks center Joakim Noah says he skipped a team dinner at the West Point Military Academy that featured cadets and a speech by a former colonel because he is against war.

Noah added he had "mixed feelings" about spending time at the West Point Military Academy, where the Knicks are holding training camp this week, because he is opposed to the idea of young troops fighting in wars.
#21
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#22
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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football is possibly the only thing in america people like remotely as much as Troops so it's the only thing with any standing
#23
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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plus equivalent rates of rape, brain damage, public sector waste, etc
#24
[account deactivated]
#25
[account deactivated]
#26
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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european name?? (updates tpainelore.xls)
#27
Online
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His name is Clarence Tuppins. Everyone knows this because it was the name on his book, which he released, and which bore his real name
#28
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#29
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tpaine posted:

lol at pro football players being our only voice of dissent



*group of revolutionary leftists in underground meeting* "we've tried everything! newsletters, pamphlets, protests... i guess there's only one option left" *all heads turn toward tv with football on*

#30
Mike Nelson here.
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tears posted:

george jackson on amerikan fascism posted:

The trappings of this pseudo mass society are empty, cheap, spectacular leisure sports; parades where strangers meet, shout each other down and often trample each other to death on the way home; mass consumption of worthless super-suds or aspirin; ritualistic, ultra-nationalistic events on days to glorify the idiots who died at war or other days to deify those who sent them out to die, A mass society that is actually a mass jungle.

has anyone on here been to other countries. to quote celine via john dolan, all people care about is the last war they won and the next war they will win.

#31
Mike Nelson here.
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"americans trample each other down after nationalist mass events. i need to get away from this horrible land and move to india." - george jetson
#32
Mike Nelson here.
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one of the ways tpaine is right is that if you evaporated every american in a rapture instantaneously then the world would probably stay mostly the same. imperialism is a world-system and like two weeks later there would be a new articulation of imperial power. it's not one boot on our faces, it's millions of boots.
#33
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What theory is that based on?

Because its certainly not based on empirical evidence
#34
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#35
mt.real
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xipe posted:

What theory is that based on?

Because its certainly not based on empirical evidence


yeah, see! the last time i evaporated the entire population of the US that didn't happen at all

#36
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When have any other empires reached the same level of brutality and scale as European and American empires?

Yes indeed cite your sources when you say China is just as bad
#37
"Jpg." - Hank Hill
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if everyone in america evaporated the resulting lardrains would destroy the world
#38
Dont Mess With Sucess
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le_nelson_mandela_face posted:

if everyone in america evaporated the resulting lardrains would destroy the world

Tucker Carlson i thought i IP banned you

#39
Mike Nelson here.
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I'm not arguing with someone with a PacMan avatar... I don't even like video games.
#40
[account deactivated]
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