bonclay
bonclay
Harry the Hat
Post rating:
+
*anxiously pushes thumbs at the straps of her over-alls* yes ma'am, that's correct, i booked the 2:30 appointment with mayor goaldstein. overbooked? im afraid i dont have any clue what youre talking about. how can you book more than one thing at a time? wait right there? alright, ill just be over here till you call me.
*whistles and begins to catch up on her Highlights backlog.* i dont care what that nasty old "goat" says. i *am* a woman. ive been feeling this way for my whole life. ive suffered hardship and loss from it and persevered. ive been down this road with beloved friends and seen it drive them to addiction, self-destruction, suicide. this is the only life i know, waking up at the crack of dawn, injecting my hormones, dilating my rapidly healing neovagina, going out to pasture to squeeze the teats of my beloved heifers. what does he know about my life anyway.
oh sorry, whats that? i was just mumbling to myself. sign in? do i need to sign in? gosh, there sure are a lot of forms here. well, let me just take those to my seat. could i get a pen? wait no, that's okay, i'll just use my eyeliner pen, it was only like ten bucks anyway.
just where does he get off? because he is a big shot at the local bank and has the ear of every alderman, does not give him the right to barge into my home when i am having a private dinner with my disapproving family and say things like "tranny" and "mangled balls" and "you are gross". alright, nearly finished with these forms, whew. just five more questions and i can go back there and really hit him with some people power!
alright. here are the forms you asked for. excuse me, but i need to go use the restroom. over there? hey! wait a minute! what do you mean "dont use the womens bathroom", lady? do you see these are womens overalls? that i bought at the WOMEN's clothing store? and a wide brimmed straw hat that only girls are allowed to wear. criminy, some people. maybe ill just go whiz in your ficus plant, see how you like that. no, no, i didnt say anything, ill go quietly.
man, it really does feel so much more natural to sit down when i pee. hope no fellas come into the bathroom and freak out when they see a lovely, earthy lady violating the sanctity of their gender-exclusive space. whoa, did it just suddenly stink up in here? must be too many bean burritos this morning, me no likey. wait, theres no way that stench is coming off of me. someone else is here. no time for wiping, this birds gotta fly!
oh!! oh. sorry. *takes off straw hat and wrings it between her obviously mannish and disgusting hands* you must be local mayor, entrepreneur, and erstwhile philanthropist Mr. Goaldstein. oh, you remember me, sir? oh yes, i remember now too. it was at the town christmas cotillion, you were squeezing my breast forms and remarking on how they made me look like a big plywood plank with beanbags nailed to the front. no, no, i thought it was very funny. *takes hat and rolls the brim between her anxious fingers.*
appointment? oh, yes, i did have an appointment, but she said you were in a meeting and couldnt be pulled away for even a minute. you want--you want to have the appointment right now? sure, just let me pull out my presentation materials...
okay, you're throwing these scholarly resource printouts in the garbage now. thats ok. thats fine. "briefness is the soul of wit" they say, sir! *wrings the straw hat in her hands quite beyond recognition and gives a snorting laugh.* what i am trying to say basically sir, is that i would like very much if you could, instead of mocking my people and trying to heap venomous abuses on us, you could instead maybe say nice encouraging things about us and let us have our safe spaces. also, sponsor a No Gender Day for education and advocacy of queer rights.
youll consider it? oh, happy day! thank you, sir! youve made a lot of very confused boys and girls very, very happy! the good lord smiles on these deeds of kindness, yes he does. oh, sorry, i guess i am kind of shaking your hand, arent i? well, theres a sink over there and some soap, you can clean that sucker right off. anyway, it was good meeting you in this corner of the bathroom youve sort of menaced me into. im gonna skeedadle from this hostile, gender-inappropriate restroom before this place becomes the scene of a hate crime! ha ha, only joking of course.
wow, you know, he's promised to tone down the transphobia before and always let us down, but i think i reached him! i feel like ive really made a difference this time. maybe now i can transition without the fear of judgment or scrutiny by my unforgiving peers. its like yacking up a hair ball: you struggle, and you struggle, and sometimes it hurts and feels yucky, and other times you dont even know if anythings going to come out in the end, but eventually its all worth it as your yellowish-brown reward deposits itself right in front of your twitchy little paws.
*whistles and begins to catch up on her Highlights backlog.* i dont care what that nasty old "goat" says. i *am* a woman. ive been feeling this way for my whole life. ive suffered hardship and loss from it and persevered. ive been down this road with beloved friends and seen it drive them to addiction, self-destruction, suicide. this is the only life i know, waking up at the crack of dawn, injecting my hormones, dilating my rapidly healing neovagina, going out to pasture to squeeze the teats of my beloved heifers. what does he know about my life anyway.
oh sorry, whats that? i was just mumbling to myself. sign in? do i need to sign in? gosh, there sure are a lot of forms here. well, let me just take those to my seat. could i get a pen? wait no, that's okay, i'll just use my eyeliner pen, it was only like ten bucks anyway.
just where does he get off? because he is a big shot at the local bank and has the ear of every alderman, does not give him the right to barge into my home when i am having a private dinner with my disapproving family and say things like "tranny" and "mangled balls" and "you are gross". alright, nearly finished with these forms, whew. just five more questions and i can go back there and really hit him with some people power!
alright. here are the forms you asked for. excuse me, but i need to go use the restroom. over there? hey! wait a minute! what do you mean "dont use the womens bathroom", lady? do you see these are womens overalls? that i bought at the WOMEN's clothing store? and a wide brimmed straw hat that only girls are allowed to wear. criminy, some people. maybe ill just go whiz in your ficus plant, see how you like that. no, no, i didnt say anything, ill go quietly.
man, it really does feel so much more natural to sit down when i pee. hope no fellas come into the bathroom and freak out when they see a lovely, earthy lady violating the sanctity of their gender-exclusive space. whoa, did it just suddenly stink up in here? must be too many bean burritos this morning, me no likey. wait, theres no way that stench is coming off of me. someone else is here. no time for wiping, this birds gotta fly!
oh!! oh. sorry. *takes off straw hat and wrings it between her obviously mannish and disgusting hands* you must be local mayor, entrepreneur, and erstwhile philanthropist Mr. Goaldstein. oh, you remember me, sir? oh yes, i remember now too. it was at the town christmas cotillion, you were squeezing my breast forms and remarking on how they made me look like a big plywood plank with beanbags nailed to the front. no, no, i thought it was very funny. *takes hat and rolls the brim between her anxious fingers.*
appointment? oh, yes, i did have an appointment, but she said you were in a meeting and couldnt be pulled away for even a minute. you want--you want to have the appointment right now? sure, just let me pull out my presentation materials...
okay, you're throwing these scholarly resource printouts in the garbage now. thats ok. thats fine. "briefness is the soul of wit" they say, sir! *wrings the straw hat in her hands quite beyond recognition and gives a snorting laugh.* what i am trying to say basically sir, is that i would like very much if you could, instead of mocking my people and trying to heap venomous abuses on us, you could instead maybe say nice encouraging things about us and let us have our safe spaces. also, sponsor a No Gender Day for education and advocacy of queer rights.
youll consider it? oh, happy day! thank you, sir! youve made a lot of very confused boys and girls very, very happy! the good lord smiles on these deeds of kindness, yes he does. oh, sorry, i guess i am kind of shaking your hand, arent i? well, theres a sink over there and some soap, you can clean that sucker right off. anyway, it was good meeting you in this corner of the bathroom youve sort of menaced me into. im gonna skeedadle from this hostile, gender-inappropriate restroom before this place becomes the scene of a hate crime! ha ha, only joking of course.
wow, you know, he's promised to tone down the transphobia before and always let us down, but i think i reached him! i feel like ive really made a difference this time. maybe now i can transition without the fear of judgment or scrutiny by my unforgiving peers. its like yacking up a hair ball: you struggle, and you struggle, and sometimes it hurts and feels yucky, and other times you dont even know if anythings going to come out in the end, but eventually its all worth it as your yellowish-brown reward deposits itself right in front of your twitchy little paws.
Edited by bonclay ()
[account deactivated]
[account deactivated]
Crow
Crow
Post rating:
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Fucker!
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
Post rating:
~
yeehaw!
edit: beaten
edit: beaten
Crow
Crow
Post rating:
~
getfiscal posted:yeehaw!
edit: beaten
IT'S MY WAY OR --HELL, IT'S MY WAY.
- DUKE NUKEM
Goethestein
Goethestein
Nippon
Post rating:
~
im intrigued. what would be the specifics of this no gender day
GoldenLionTamarin
GoldenLionTamarin
Goldgelbes Löwenäffchen
Post rating:
+
bonclay is an underrated poster
Superabound
Superabound
Not Your S.H.I.E.L.D.
Post rating:
~
Goethestein posted:im intrigued. what would be the specifics of this no gender day
use your executive privilege and declare every day No Gender Day. trust me on this