You’re anything but stupid and by now , you must see the writing on the wall. You’ll never have a real place with the Beltway in crowd, as they see you as a northeastern, hickoid, pro wrestler, Nascar type with a degree from Cornell. I mean, really, Ann; where can it go from here? Ann, I think I have the answer, in fact, I know I do.
I want to hire you, Ann. I want you to come and work for me. I want you to be my “Ann Friday,” my housekeeper, beekeeper, floor, chimney and minesweeper, my window-washing, grocery-buying, dinner-cooking, obsequious, submissive concubine-domestic.
You will laugh at my jokes, celebrate my victories and lament my failures. You will praise my friends and vow great harm upon all who oppose me. You will treat me like a god, a guru, a mentor – and the best night in the sack you’ve ever had. You will carry my bags, wash my cars, walk my dogs and turn your savings over to me. You will massage Susan Sarandon’s aching shoulders, whip up vegan delights for Hanoi Jane Fonda, and loofah Barbra Streisand’s stretch marks.
But most of all, Ann, you will just shut the fuck up.
I can offer you a life of obedient servitude on my compound; in your time with me, you will learn much. You will learn that America is made up of people from all races, walks of life and sexual orientation and that it’s all OK. You will learn to be patient and kind. You will learn the meaning of the word “respect” and memorize every line of Caddyshack. You will listen to The Ramones, Black Sabbath and the Brides of Funkenstein. You’re a figure of fun and I plan on having fun with that figure. You will learn who your daddy is, that’s for sure.
But mostly, Ann, you will just shut the fuck up.
Come on, Anne, ya fuckin’ psycho; let’s do this!
Henry
discipline posted:I paid $3 for access to mark ames new comedy news site and it's basically lf but not as funny :^/
the only mark ames webshite i know of is the exile and this is not from that
aerdil posted:no its a copy paste from a henry rollins video that is like 3 years old. just don't post in this thread and let it gently float down into the insignificant cesspool that is rhizzone's bottom forum pages, a fitting place for superabound's always non-creative output.
lol look at newsboy over here, addicted to the morphine drip of the 24-hour media cycle, endlessly fiending for newer and newer highs, with absolutely no interest in the history of his country
BUT CALL ME BILL!
HENRY! MY FRIEND FROM THE EASTERN SEABOARD CAPTURES THE BEST SCALLOPS I'VE EVER HAD!
discipline posted:I paid $3 for access to mark ames new comedy news site and it's basically lf but not as funny :^/
that one article where he investigates this dude who shills for lockheed martin or whoever, and discovers that he was a high school dweeb who sympathized with spree killers, and subsequently makes the connection between an escape from dweebism and becoming a fascist, was cool.
peepaw posted:
Of course you should feel no shame for this, Henry. ~Be Yourself~
discipline posted:I paid $3 for access to mark ames new comedy news site
lol
Has he done anything interesting lately other than giving out Jim Goad's phone number?
peepaw posted:
i find it really hard to relate to this and the one from louie c.k. about pissing in the shower whose comedy relies in the fact that "every man does this" since i do neither of these things. i feel like i should be more disgusting or something
aerdil posted:peepaw posted:i find it really hard to relate to this and the one from louie c.k. about pissing in the shower whose comedy relies in the fact that "every man does this" since i do neither of these things. i feel like i should be more disgusting or something
tbf that clip's from the 90s before internet porn became a thing
hank's got plenty of more recent material on his internet masturbation habits
Edited by peepaw ()
babyfinland posted:if you dont pee in the shower its because youre a weird little fairy
it also helps prevent athlete's foot and toenail fungus
aerdil posted:the toilet is fucking three feet away whats wrong with you people asides from a lack of bladder control
it's a waste of water; you're already standing over a drain with running water to wash it down. plus unless you're really sick or got an infected dick your pee is sterile
peepaw posted:babyfinland posted:if you dont pee in the shower its because youre a weird little fairy
it also helps prevent athlete's foot and toenail fungus
aerdil posted:the toilet is fucking three feet away whats wrong with you people asides from a lack of bladder control
it's a waste of water; you're already standing over a drain with running water to wash it down. plus unless you're really sick or got an infected dick your pee is sterile
This.
Crow posted:Wait yall dont use the same bucket for toilet THEN shower??? Mister first world a holes... *rubs poo hair in deep contemplation*
§ 83. They are the filthiest of God's creatures. They have no modesty in defecation and urination, nor do they wash after pollution from orgasm, nor do they wash their hands after eating. Thus they are like wild asses. When they have come from their land and anchored on, or ties up at the shore of the Volga, which is a great river, they build big houses of wood on the shore, each holding ten to twenty persons more or less. Each man has a couch on which he sits. With them are pretty slave girls destines for sale to merchants: a man will have sexual intercourse with his slave girl while his companion looks on. Sometimes whole groups will come together in this fashion, each in the presence of others. A merchant who arrives to buy a slave girl from them may have to wait and look on while a Rus completes the act of intercourse with a slave girl.
§ 84. Every day they must wash their faces and heads and this they do in the dirtiest and filthiest fashion possible: to wit, every morning a girl servant brings a great basin of water; she offers this to her master and he washes his hands and face and his hair -- he washes it and combs it out with a comb in the water; then he blows his nose and spits into the basin. When he has finished, the servant carries the basin to the next person, who does likewise. She carries the basin thus to all the household in turn, and each blows his nose, spits, and washes his face and hair in it.
babyfinland posted:Crow posted:Wait yall dont use the same bucket for toilet THEN shower??? Mister first world a holes... *rubs poo hair in deep contemplation*
§ 83. They are the filthiest of God's creatures. They have no modesty in defecation and urination, nor do they wash after pollution from orgasm, nor do they wash their hands after eating. Thus they are like wild asses. When they have come from their land and anchored on, or ties up at the shore of the Volga, which is a great river, they build big houses of wood on the shore, each holding ten to twenty persons more or less. Each man has a couch on which he sits. With them are pretty slave girls destines for sale to merchants: a man will have sexual intercourse with his slave girl while his companion looks on. Sometimes whole groups will come together in this fashion, each in the presence of others. A merchant who arrives to buy a slave girl from them may have to wait and look on while a Rus completes the act of intercourse with a slave girl.
§ 84. Every day they must wash their faces and heads and this they do in the dirtiest and filthiest fashion possible: to wit, every morning a girl servant brings a great basin of water; she offers this to her master and he washes his hands and face and his hair -- he washes it and combs it out with a comb in the water; then he blows his nose and spits into the basin. When he has finished, the servant carries the basin to the next person, who does likewise. She carries the basin thus to all the household in turn, and each blows his nose, spits, and washes his face and hair in it.
ew thank god those filthy fins were eventually overcome by the slavs & mongols etc. jdpen if you will
§ 80. I have seen the Rus as they came on their merchant journeys and encamped by the Volga. I have never seen more perfect physical specimens, tall as date palms, blonde and ruddy; they wear neither tunics nor caftans, but the men wear a garment which covers one side of the body and leaves a hand free.
§ 81. Each man has an axe, a sword, and a knife and keeps each by him at all times. The swords are broad and grooved, of Frankish sort. Every man is tatooed from finger nails to neck with dark green (or green or blue-black) trees, figures, etc.
Alyosha posted:It violates the sanctity of the shower
counterpoint:
peepaw posted:it also helps prevent athlete's foot and toenail fungus
so does soap
it's a waste of water; you're already standing over a drain with running water to wash it down. plus unless you're really sick or got an infected dick your pee is sterile
i live in the first world