#1
Post rating: +
okay so it's 2am and i turn on the new hd tv in the living room. montel williams is on the screen in front of a live studio audience teaching me how to do a proper golf swing. okay nothing odd. except in the corner is a big odd logo i've never seen and it looks like this:



and then a few seconds later a ticker crawls across the screen saying "product also available in neon green, orange, pink..."

then a new segment starts, montel tells us he's throwing to a video sent by some guy named Tom Kallish...montel says not even he knows whats in it, we're all going to be in for a surprise...the bit is one of those conventional miracle recovery stories you see on talk shows...this Tom guy apparently broke his legs water skiing years ago and has been out of the water since, but now on "National TV" (his words) he is going to get back out there, with the help of God...and Tommie Copper Compression Sleeves. inspirational music plays as we watch this 55 year old white dude pull off sick-ass moves on his water skis. the camera lens is dramatically saturated. the video ends and montel williams invites tom onto the set and his name card reveals . . .



im not watching The Montel Williams Show. im watching a literal infomercial dressed up as The Montel Williams Show, complete with a studio set, couches, multiple guests, and a live studio audience, and, uh, montel williams. its called Tommie Copper TV.



^this youtube video doesnt really do Tommie Copper TV justice. what i watched wasn't so conventionally infomercially, the exhortations to order now were much more subdued, the testimonials more subtle and in tune with shit you'd find on oprah or other day time tv shows. we're given multiple bits similar to the one described above starring regular old folk debilitated by cartilage damage. we watch them struggle to climb stairs, but its not like that exaggerated billy mays shit in black and white where people comically struggle to do the simplest tasks. we get cinematic angles, and then the professional grade saturation again too, a mixture of customer+montel narration playing over it. its insane. these folks are invited on set to tell montel about their suffering, and their eventual savior, Tommie Copper Compression Sleeves, Available In All Sizes. there's even a TV Moment when Montel spontaneously challenges the Tommie Copper c.e.o.-as-guest to a jet ski race in Chile. the ceo guy is first taken aback ("are you asking me, on national TV , to race you in Chile?" he says literally) and then acquiesces..."Aw, well, allllright... *shrug*"

the camera pans to the audience. they're smiling, laughing, hollering, applauding.

and then what comes next should be obvious but it still dumbfounds me in its surreality. Montel stands up and excitedly announces in his best impression of Oprah winifrey that everyone in the audience is going home with their own Tommie Copper compression sleeve. theyre surprised, ecstatic, crying tears of joy. the program ends.

in a state of shock i go onto youtube.com to see if a clip of what i just watched is online. there's what i posted above, an okay enough approximation, but then there's...this.

Behind the Scenes of the New Tommie Copper TV Show with Montel Williams - Tommie Copper TV



a behind the scenes featurette of an advertisement, which is itself another advertisement. this isn't merely surreality--we've clearly crossed into hyperreality. i still havent read jean baudrillard &co. but after experiencing this something tells me i dont need to.

Edited by tentativelurkeraccount ()

#2
Post rating: ~
Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners...
#3
Not Your S.H.I.E.L.D.
Post rating: ~
hmmm. i have some bad cartilage porblems in my knees too, maybe these Tommie Copper Compression Sleeves are the thing for me? Thanks Montez Wilkians
#4
Post rating: +++++
turns out they also hired you and a bunch of other hipster communists to post about this mindblowing ouroboros of spectacle.... in order to make us aware of tommie copper compression bandages
#5
Post rating: ~
#6
Post rating: +
#7
Post rating: ~
what is a compression sleeve
#8
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +

jools posted:

turns out they also hired you and a bunch of other hipster communists to post about this mindblowing ouroboros of spectacle.... in order to make us aware of tommie copper compression bandages

Ha. Don't feel embarrassed, a lot of people haven't heard of Tommie Copper Compression Sleeves. You have to be pretty connected to the knee stability scene to know about them.

#9
political car tune
Post rating: ~
More like tommy slopper depression skeeves
#10
Kurdt
Post rating: ~

jools posted:

tommie copper compression bandages

#11
Not Your S.H.I.E.L.D.
Post rating: ~
On the NEXT episode of Montel: Mommy's Proper Compassion Leaves
#12
Kurdt
Post rating: ~
montel is fat
#13
[account deactivated]
#14
Marxsplainer
Post rating: ~
the paramedics are just leaning against their ambulance, the flashers off and the siren dead. no need for them at this point. the super was the first in the door. he's sitting on the curb, now; ashen, sweating, tremblingly running his hands through his hair over and over as the department therapist, more used to jumpers than this sort of insanity, tries to talk him down. the patrolman, there, stutteringly giving his report to Homicide. first to answer the call, doesn't look any better than the super, poor bastard. forensics says the pool of vomit just inside the door was his, puddling congealed coffee and hoagie slowly curdling on the beige wall-to-wall. no wonder, the place is a charnel house. never seen anything like it. not like this. jesus god. holy mother. i-i-. fuck, man. hardened detectives stand rooted, pale and sweating. forensics is just flailing at this point. aimlessly snapping picture after picture of the twisted forms within as if flashbulb and image can somehow tame the horror. the coroner is yammering into his recorder, cause of death cause of death is isisisis crushing. implement seems to be a constrictive. a brace? garment? copper. tommy Cu. boneshards and blood, bodysqueezings are everyplace, legs snapped like twigs, wrists and knees and forearms reduced to a reddish slime. one old bastard fool enough to put the thing around his midsection popped like a fucking grape, shot his guts out either end like sillystring, fuck me. the carpeting is sodden with gore, must be dripping through the subfloor by now. shredded spandex wrappings scatter the floor, dripping. a homicide detective leans and lifts a scrap with the end of a pencil and the thing moves, shudders like a dying worm and makes a lunge for his forefinger. he shrieks, the spandexthing snapping the pencil like a matchstick but he manages to drop it in time. compression. cause of death is compression. compression garments. oh god. oh god. oh no.

Edited by dank_xiaopeng ()

#15
Post rating: +
#16
nuMbA B1tcH
Post rating: +
#17
objekt-a.tumblr.com
Post rating: +
#18
[account deactivated]