#1
penitent
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LQQK

http://samkriss.wordpress.com/2012/10/13/nowhereland/
#2
penitent
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not one word Lol
#3
Kurdt
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gaey
#4
penitent
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a Story, by, dead ken: im gay. the end
#5
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just read it. lol
#6
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kind of felt like it needed a cool little coda at the end, and i wonder if it may have been better to avoid explicitly stating the part about independence--it was definitely implicitly clear at that point--but otherwise it was really good, publishable quality maybe even
#7
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u basically wrote a commie vonnegut short story
#8
penitent
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thirdplace posted:

kind of felt like it needed a cool little coda at the end, and i wonder if it may have been better to avoid explicitly stating the part about independence--it was definitely implicitly clear at that point--but otherwise it was really good, publishable quality maybe even



cheers br0; yeah i was worrying about how to phrase that bit, its a bit exposition-y but i dunno if i should assume that everyone knows what ontology is

#9
penitent
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ive never read anything by vonnegut lol. except that essay he wrote on celine
#10
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aerdil posted:

u basically wrote a commie vonnegut short story



reminded me of vonnegut as well. like Cat's Cradle

#11
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i'm not seeing kurt at all, too many adjectives and the ennui is too unmitigated
#12
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ohboy i LOVE to read fiction by jewish arthurs.
#13
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not sure i buy the idea that there are jews in britain, seems really unlikely
#14
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#15
D.C.
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It's good
#16
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shis seemed hard to read. i started scrollin thru and found a bunch of cool parts
#17
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it's nice reminds me of nabokov's wingstroke for some reason but written by a retard
#18
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lol
#19
Online
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EmanuelaOrlandi posted:

#20
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Bablu posted:

it's nice reminds me of nabokov's wingstroke for some reason but written by a retard



nice neg, bro

#21
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Who told you that it isn't bad or gay
#22
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I am unashamedly Marxist, ambiguously utopian, prone to dilettantism, emotionally shallow, unbearably pretentious, obtrusively opinionated, reflexively cynical, snobbish, hedonistic, self-destructive, neurotic, narcissistic, and probably not nearly as smart as I think I am.

I’m from London but I live in Los Angeles for some reason.




(i like it)
#23
[account deactivated]
#24
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i read this on th e toilet...take that as you will. (i also liked ur mirror thing btw)
#25
[account deactivated]
#26
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lol...".tpain"e....where do you come up with this stuff...i swear. ..
#27
penitent
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thirdplace posted:

not sure i buy the idea that there are jews in britain, seems really unlikely



theres at least one

#28
penitent
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Lykourgos posted:

Who told you that it isn't bad or gay



Jesus Christ Son Of God

#29
penitent
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is vonnegut actually any good. i was goin for a kind of houellebecq-meets-borges-at-kafka's-grave kinda thing so if its like that i guess i should taek a read
#30
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despairing english tourist leaves the trappings of modernity to self actualize in purgatory with the help of some eastern europeans and a half-hearted todestrieb
#31
penitent
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lol ima use that as the synopsis in query letters
#32
YUNG JIRO AKA SHOWA STUNNA AKA
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vonnegut is very bad
#33
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this was really excellent, Good Job
#34
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vonnegut i think is simultaneously over and underrated, but his prose is like a kindly old hoosier aping hemingway to, at most, moderate success and i doubt you'd like it
#35
Online
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vonnegut writes cool stories though.
#36
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you use too many adjectives and adverbs.. for example:


The Transporenian border was marked by a long barbed-wire fence running over the overgrown hills just before the Tsporeno, a broad muddy river as placid and still as a lurking crocodile. A pair of bored-looking Moldovan soldiers waved the bus towards a low steel structure that crouched over the half-paved road by the bridge like a latticed spider; rusting letters hanging from one face reading Транспорэниа.


sometimes its just overloaded (on a sentence basis) sometimes its actually repetitive. but otherwise its pretty well written and a good idea for a story. my suspension of disbelief broke a bit in places though so it could be more subtle.

He knew that something about the archaeological site didn’t make sense, but he couldn’t work out what; it frustrated him, like a word on the tip of his tongue.

Like maybe the fact that the guy just said 6th century bc and the place has tanks?!?!!?!!?!
#37
Kurdt
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look THAT up in your strunk and white
#38
Dont Mess With Sucess
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does he really use "bored-looking"
#39
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deadken posted:

i wrote something that isnt bad or gay

actually,

#40
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +
Take that out and add this paragraph "The guards appeared as if they were bored, but in this case we cannot know their internal state. Perhaps the boredom was honest, or perhaps it was feigned - or perhaps they were the sort of guards who appeared bored even during the moments of brutality that make the job worth all the dull hours of simple guarding from nothing. As one of the guards contemplated how the national security apparatus was analogous to his duties, he briefly became wry-looking. This new expression washing across his face and posture found the world unchanged and indifferent, just as it had treated the old. All the dull hours... well, you'd expect them to be dull, wouldn't you? And these guards seemed to meet every expectation and stereotype about guards in the world - nay, in the solar system."