#1
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cooking is fun and cool. could it be revolutionary? I don't know because I'm a de facto liberal! but i bet y'all have some rad recipes to post so please do

Hui Eggplant Stir Fry:

1 Pound Boneless Chicken -- cubed
1/2 Teaspoon Turmeric
1 Teaspoon Paprika
1 Teaspoon Cumin
1+ Tablespoon Soy Sauce (the amount isn't really important, it's about giving the spices a liquid base for the marinading)
Marinade the chicken with the above ingredients for at least 15-60 minutes.
2 Tablespoons Peanut Oil (other types of oil work fine here but peanut is the best)
1 Large Onion -- sliced
1 Clove Garlic -- chopped
1/2 Pound Tomato -- sliced or quartered (I like to use Romas)
1/2 Cup Chicken Broth
One large eggplant or 2-3 small ones, peeled and cubed
Optional: Green pepper, diced apple or dried apricot, and pretty much any other vegetables that sound good

- Heat the oil and sauté the onion and garlic for one to two minutes.
- Add the chicken and cook until no longer pink (personally I like to wash out the bowl or bag that I marinaded the chicken in with a little milk or chicken broth and toss it in to make sure I'm not wasting any spices).
- Add the chicken broth, eggplant, and any optional ingredients and cook (covered or mostly covered) for nine to twelve minutes, then add the tomato and cook for another one to two minutes (object is to keep the tomatoes relatively whole and firm).

Serve over white rice. Makes 4-5 servings.

This garnish is optional. I don't always bother when cooking for myself, but it is a really nice addition--adds crunch and lets people make it spicy to taste
~~Garnish~~
1+ Cup Cabbage -- shredded
Lemon Juice -- to taste, I use at least a tablespoon
1 Teaspoon Red Chile Flakes
Optional: Green onions, diced celery, whatever
Mix throughly


Edited by EmanuelaBrolandi ()

#2
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this thread is for IRONIC RECIPES ONLY. i'm looking at YOU, masuka!!

Edited by EmanuelaBrolandi ()

#3
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The following is excerpted from "The Cookhill Family Recipe Book" lately published by Fredwise Cookhill, owner and proprietor of the famous Three Loaves Public House & Inn in Ashbury. Used with permission of the author.

Grandma Cookhill's Three Bowl Bread

In a large bowl, blend one-third of a cup softened butter and two-thirds of a cup of sugar until creamy and light. When this is done, add a fresh hen's egg and beat the mixture a bit more to blend.


In a second bowl, sift one and three-quarters cup of flour together with one and one-half teaspoons baking powder, one-quarter of a teaspoon of baking-soda, and a teaspoon of Cumbrian cinnamon.


In the third bowl, mash three very ripe banana-fruit, preferably of the sweeter Cattanese variety.


Add one-third of the flour mixture to the butter bowl, and beat the two together; then add one-third of the mashed bananas and beat again. Continue adding both mixtures by thirds to the large bowl until all the flour, butter-and-eggs, and banana-fruit are thoroughly blended. Then, if you wish, you may add a halfcup of shelled walnuts for flavor. Spread the batter into a well-greased 4" x 8" pan and bake for one hour at a temperature of 350 degrees.


The resulting bread is very healthful and tasty and can be served as an addition to the mid-morning meal. It also makes a pleasant snack in a picnic basket, and is wholly appropriate fare to offer elven visitors.
#4
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you fu cker
#5
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de facto liberal? hah. more like da fatso liberal.
#6
Poronto
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braised potatoes n bacon

this is a very good food to cook for old people and white nationalists and people who are fucking bored of ethnic food and SO AUTHENTICisms. it's also legit tasty and if you are not white like me it counts as ethnic food so it is a double win. it's super easy too.

you get

potatoes (3)
fatty bacon (approx 1/4 pound or 150g) This is the important part and really you want to be using the really fatty bacon that you cut up yourself and in Germany is called Speck. You can substitute panacetta if you're insane and like to literally set fire to money. Ask at a butchers or a deli if they have any unsalable ends, they will let you have them for cheap. or give up and use regular bacon (streaky)
onion(1)
dill (1 handful)
parsley (1 handful)

you also need a heavy bottom pan with a lid

1. peel the potatoes and chop them p. small (about 0.75 inch or 2cm cubes). Chop onion finely. Put these in same bowl and set aside
2. cut up bacon real small as well. Now put it in the pan on med-high heat and toss it around until a shocking amount of hat has melted into pool at the bottom of the pan. This will take a little while so take the time to chop the herbs up really small as well, while keeping an eye on the bacon.
2a. If despite your best efforts there isn't much fat coming out of the bacon top it up with butter.
3. Dump potato and onion in there. Dunk salt and pepper to taste on them. Mix everything up to get a nice coating of bacon fat all over everything
4. Put the herbs on top, then about 5tsbp of water. Put the lid on the pan. Set the whole thing to simmer on a low-med heat.
5. Check it after 20 mins; if potatoes are still hard give it a little longer.

this technique also works real good with shredded duck instead of bacon on the off chance you have any (maybe leftovers after chinese takeout) and add carrots and parsnips to the potatoes. also try smoked fish instead of bacon
#7
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beer with cigarettes, well rounded meal.
#8
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once you become an alcoholic alcohol is technically an essential macronutrient.
#9
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i make grape leaves but i have to teach it to you i dont liek to write the recipe down like some fucking ajnebi
#10
penitent
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Bread

Serves 1

Method:

Go to the shop
Buy some Bread
Sit in front of the TV, watching the TV, and eating Bread out the bag, you fat fuck.
#11
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look at a recipe online, get wasted, cook the shit in an ocd manner, and consume. repeat until you create a satisfactory meal.
#12
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thought thread title was about exchanging unicorn recipes. needless to say i'm rocking a Disappointed Chub right now. thanks for nothing.
#13
Poronto
Post rating: ~

deadken posted:

Bread

Serves 1

Method:

Go to the shop
Buy some Bread
Sit in front of the TV, watching the TV, and eating Bread out the bag, you fat fuck.



i hope you get coeliac disease

#14
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i have mild celiac. it owns. fuck wheat

burn all the wheat. gluten-free fascism forever
#15
penitent
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i made a prawn and chorizo paella the other day but that barely requires a recipe, you just go garlic + chilies -> red pepper + chorizo -> rice -> stock -> prawns -> parsley, salt, pepper, lime juice, fuckin Easy as shite
#16
Poronto
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in my first year at uni i literally saw some guy put some pasta in a pan without any water and then wonder why nothing was happening lmao
#17
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#18
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heh
#19
penitent
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in my first year at uni i lived off pot noodle, omelette, and tortellini. but then in la i knew a girl who literally couldn't cook an egg
#20
Poronto
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i knew at least four people who lived off rustlers ham/chicken/synthetic ribmeat microwave burgers for breakfast lunch and dinner. these respective meals were generally at 5pm, 12am and 6am
#21
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i once knew a man who ate so many hot pockets that he smelled like a hot pocket even when he wasnt eating a hot pocket
#22
penitent
Post rating: +
what is a hot pocket. when in america land i tended to avoid the freezer aisle in ralph's and was kinda disgusted even by taquitos or whatever theyre called
#23
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taboili

2 cups of cooked couscous or quinoa
a bunch of minced parsley (enough so that if you mix it in with the couscous or quinoa it'll be basically green rather than basically white or whatever)
some onion, minced
a clove of garlic, minced
some basil, preferably fresh
1/4 cup of olive oil
either: about half a cup of lemon juice OR 1-2 small tart apples, diced

mix it all together and serve chilled

#24
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a hot pocket is a fried bread thing filled with meat and cheese and sauce that you put in the microwave
#25
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its basically an australian meat pie but grosser
#26
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#27
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I made this for thanksgiving and everybody loved it. the recipe itself is simple, you don't need a lot of ingredients but working with butternut squash is a pain in the ass, especially if your knives and peeler aren't sharp. also, your hands will turn orange and your skin might peel a little bit, so get some gloves if you want

parmesan-roasted butternut squash

2 1/2 pounds butternut squash, peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces
3/4 cup heavy cream
some chopped sage leaves
2/3 cup finely grated parmesan
about 1 tsp salt
some pepper to taste

preheat oven to 400°F. combine and toss squash, cream, sage salt n pepper in 2 quart baking dish. cover with foil or lid, and bake for 30 min.

uncover dish, and stir in half the cheese, then use the rest to sprinkle on top. put the dish back into the oven uncovered for about 20 min, or until the squash becomes tender and brownish. when done, let it stand for about 5 min so the cream can thicken

#28
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this is a personal fave, i make it every thanksgiving

Broccoli Salad

1 head broccoli, rinsed and chopped
8 oz shredded mozzarella cheese
1 small red onion, diced
½ lb crisp bacon, crumbled

Dressing:
1 cup mayonnaise
½ cup sugar
2 Tbsp red wine vinegar

Mix dressing ingredients well with beater. Pour over combined salad ingredients. Best when made the day before and refrigerated overnight.
#29
Online
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#31
penitent
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put butternut squash in a broth w/ rice noodles, strips o' steak, roasted garlic, lemongrass, spinach leaves, coriander, bird's eye chillies, squeeze a bit of lime into it, its kewl.
#32
Kurdt
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cooking at home is profoundly unsocialist. congrats on driving down wages and creating unemployment for restaurant workers, the poorest of the poor
#33
penitent
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when i'm feelin' down i like to make scrambled eggs! and lots of 'em! dozens and dozens of scrambled eggs, making them for four or five hours in a day, chuckling every time i break a yolk! they should have listened.
#34
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#36
penitent
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i showed wolfgoreshow to a bunch of my friends and reactions ranged from 'that is the weirdest thing i have ever seen' to 'is this stuff actually on tv in america' to 'get out of my house'
#37
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#39
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#40
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tpaine posted:

they were being polite


lol possibly, but people tend to not want seconds (or thirds) of food they only politely enjoyed. my little cousins liked it too, and everyone knows kids are horrible liars when it comes to food